Days like today I just wish a crazy person would run up and shoot me, or some restaurant worker would poison my food, or a car would explode next to me… this way I would die… cause the truth is I don’t want to be alive at all… I just dont have the balls to kill myself. Before I would use my family or the fact that my little sister and I shared a room to keep me accountable. After I lost my family I started keeping myself accountable to my girlfriend. Now that I’ve lost her and I have no friends and no future theres no point to live.
When I say that I wish to be dead I say it more honestly and with more conviction than I’ve ever said anything in my whole life with one exception only.
When I told you I loved you I meant it. If I could I would write it in my spinal fluid. When I said you were the breath in my lungs and the pep in ny step I meant it not figuratively baby but LITERALLY. What I’m trying to say is that now that we’re over I can physically breathe but breathing is pointless. I can walk but there’s no direction. I take the steps but I’m going nowhere.
This is pretty much the suicide letter that you’ll never get to read. When I say you won’t read it I’m saying it to say that by the time you read it it will be too late.
I’m going to kill myself sometime today I know this for a fact.
Not because my life is too hard (its been hard forever)
Not because I’m so sad (its been that way forever)
Not because I’m a pussy (though I am)
But simply because my life has no purpose. I have no family I have no girlfriend no money and no will to continue life this way.
God I’m sorry for being such a waste of your grace. Kday I’m sorry for choosing everything over you. I hope you’ll see that I love you for real once I take my life… because one thing I refuse to choose is life without you.
I’d rather die so I shall
Goodbye world. You’ve lost yet another depressed fucked up child.